What does it mean to be Masculine?

One CIS-Gender Female's take on what it means to be Masculine. As you can probably see, or know, I am working with one hell-a a handicap, but being a CIS-Gender Female it is important to me to understand this concept of Masculine. After all if you want understanding, you have to be willing to understand. And as a CIS-Gender Female who grew up listening to Rage Against the Machine totally jiving with the song Killing in the Name of with the lyric "Fuck you I won't do what you tell me" … thus rejecting my own gender's norms at the time … well this should be an interesting trip.

What is CIS-Gender?

Let's start here. Cisgender (sometimes cissexual, often abbreviated to simply cis) is a term for people whose gender identity matches the sex that they were assigned at birth. For example, someone who identifies as a woman and was assigned female at birth is a cisgender woman. The term cisgender is the opposite of the word transgender.

With the rise in awareness of Transgender it is important to also consider the disadvantages of being in a body that is not the gender you identify as. Here is a link for a list of things, I as a CIS have or has taken for granted. This is also a concern for the Pagan Community as the Pagan religions tend toward more open mindedness and thus attract those who do not identify with the norms of the culture. It is also something that the Pagan Community needs to be aware of, because you will eventually be in a situation that magical roles have to be assigned and gender is important to the magic being worked. Having your answer and knowing how to address the situation before it happens will greatly improve your handing of the situation.

Masculinity

Now for the harder part of this topic; What is Masculinity? The dictionary does not help as it defines it as the quality of being a man. Oh my this will be fun to chase down. "Western culture defines specific characteristics to fit the patriarchal ideal masculine construct. The socialization of masculine ideals starts at a young age and defines ideal masculinity as related to toughness, stoicism, heterosexism, self-sufficient attitudes and lack of emotional sensitivity (Wall & Kristjanson, 2005), and of connectedness. [1]

This however, can be a very toxic definition of masculinity. It is my opinion that this definition of masculinity arose out of female fear of the passion of men. To be honest, I can't blame them. A man full in passion and embracing his strength is quite the sight. The "requirement" to suppress emotions was probably a result of the "requirement" of females to be submissive and the need to play more and more advanced political games that emotions could be a huge disadvantage. Who wants to follow some one who is ruled by passions that can change from one day to the next?

Toxic Masculinity

All of this brings up the topic of Toxic Masculinity; um hun? What is Toxic Masculinity? is my question. "Over the past several years, toxic masculinity has become a catchall explanation for male violence and sexism. The appeal of the term, which distinguishes “toxic” traits such aggression and self-entitlement from “healthy” masculinity, has grown to the point where Gillette invoked it last month in a viral advertisement against bullying and sexual harassment. Around the same time, the American Psychological Association introduced new guidelines for therapists working with boys and men, warning that extreme forms of certain “traditional” masculine traits are linked to aggression, misogyny, and negative health outcomes." [2]

Performative Masculinity

Performative masculinity traps you in a cocoon of unrealistic expectations. If you aren’t physically strong enough, you are constantly considered weak. If you don’t perform well at traditionally masculine tasks or don’t particularly gravitate toward structured trades, and instead express your desire to write for a living, you have your sexuality questioned or are told your work is a hobby. [3]

Masculinity is constantly positioned as the only way to become a man in this society. Yet it is an incredibly destructive force for those who are actively looking to become their own person, and I am continually informed of this duality. Which is better: being free, or becoming whatever is the expected outcome and being crushed because the mask you wear is siphoning your blood? The realization of the term “cutting off your nose to spite your face” is captured in this juxtaposition. The only acceptable ways to express your masculinity seem to be personally disadvantageous. [3]

Performative masculinity is a mask that men wear in the place of developing emotional intelligence. It is a poor mask that comes apart at the seams when pressed upon, which makes it a poor choice when one can also choose to be vulnerable. Yet vulnerability is not often chosen because the idea of masculinity is one which has been set in the plaster of our fathers who were taught by their fathers either explicitly or through imitation that hardness or toughness made you a real man. [3]

It endangers women and our daughters in a unique manner, as in the casual violence hidden in “manly” conversations around treating women like animals on safari, wherein we discuss and determine which ones meet our aesthetic approval. The more “performative” the masculinity, the more dangerous it is for a woman to reject an advance from its practitioner, as the practice is tied into the self worth of the person performing masculinity. [3]

Patriarchy

Patriarchy is about the social relations of power between men and women, women and women, and men and men. It is a system for maintaining class, gender, racial, and heterosexual privilege and the status quo of power – relying both on crude forms of oppression, like violence; and subtle ones, like laws; to perpetuate inequality. Patriarchal beliefs of male, heterosexual dominance and the devaluation of girls and women lie at the root of gender-based violence. Patriarchy is a structural force that influences power relations, whether they are abusive or not. [4]

What's it to me?

It took a CIS-Male to teach me to be a woman. (ha ha here's your credit Cronos; says my inner brat). But for all my claims to now "know" what it means to be a woman I still struggle with defining what that is.

That being said I am going to look at the Magical Elements normally associated with being masculine for my answer, because for some reason no one seems to have a clue. Or they are not publishing it. Imagine that; male is just as complicated as female.

Both Air and Fire are associated with being masculine in the ceremonial magic thought process. What is so unique about these elements? Both are "active" elements, as we found in our research there is a thing called Performative Masculinity, but it is not always a good thing apparently. Imagine that one has to balance themselves with other elements. Air is equated with knowing or intelligence and men typically are considered the more "logical" of the species. Fire is normally equated with will and men typically are know to be rather passionate with aroused.

For all my research, I still cannot seem to find anything that makes a male different than a female as you can find the elements in each in different proportions without any consistency in regards to the plumbing of the body.

Back to my original statement "It took a CIS-Male to teach me to be a woman." What Cronos taught me was how to work with the elements of Earth and Water instead of fighting them. We also found that I am strongest in 2 elements that are opposite of each other in the cerimonial magic circle; one being female and the other masculine. The elements I am strong in are not the elements that Cronos are strong in either, so his Mastery of the knowledge of all elements really showed.

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Pheonix Rysen