Self Love or Self Care
As part of a recovery program and self educational program I have elected to do a study on a few topics; one being Self Love. Self Love can also be seen as Self Care, Self Respect, Self Esteem, or other similar names. Ironically it is easier to find information on Self Love than it is to find information on Love. However since Self Love is the start of Loving others, it should shed some interesting light on things.
What is Self Love?
Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts. [1]
What is compassion?
The definition of compassion is the ability to understand the emotional state of another person or oneself. Often confused with empathy, compassion has the added element of having a desire to alleviate or reduce the suffering of another. Empathy, as most people know, is the ability to put oneself in the other person's place. Although compassion and empathy are two separate things, having compassion can lead to feeling empathy. [2]
To become more self-compassionate yourself, try to follow these steps:
- Recognize that you are experiencing emotional distress or mental suffering. [3]
- Accept that the feeling is there. [3]
- Imagine what you might feel if you saw a loved one experiencing this feeling.[3]
- Challenge your negative story about yourself. [3]
- Think about how everybody messes up sometimes. [3]
- Decide what it would take to forgive yourself. [3]
- Use self-talk to encourage yourself. [3]
- Be a life coach to yourself. [3]
The above really is just a start when attempting to heal yourself. It takes serious dedication and a strong support network to make gains, but I can tell you from experience that it is worth every struggle.
A support network refers to the people in your life that help you achieve your personal and professional goals. There are many ways to develop a support network. A good first step is to recognize the supports that are already present in your life — friends, family members, and teachers. Create a list of the people you know and the strengths and contacts they have to offer you. One person may be an excellent resume writer, another may be a great listener who can help you clarify goals. Create a list of people you would like to meet. Attend events that put you in touch with people who can support your personal, educational, or career development. Such events include career fairs, community meetings, and workshops. Introduce yourself to people at your job, counselors at your school, and others who may be able to help you reach your goals. Keep their contact information in a portfolio or notebook. Once you have developed contacts, stay in touch with these mentors on a regular basis and tell them about your goals, challenges, and successes. Ask questions about the things you are interested in. Ask these mentors about their lives, their careers, and their transitions. Offer them your talents as well; for example, send them articles or links to websites you think they might be interested in. [4]
One thing I have learned, the hard way, is that independence is all good and everything, but when you have no time to be weak you become brittle. Brittle Personality is defined by Oxford Learner’s Dictionary as “a brittle mood or state of mind is one that appears to be happy or strong but is actually nervous and easily damaged” This brittleness comes from the constant need to protect oneself and only having the resources personally owned to draw on; the need to do everything yourself with no other option.
To hold myself accountable for my self care I have define different topics that allow for a balanced life; Religious Studies, Intellectual Studies, Physical, Creative, and Social Interactions. Each of the topics or areas I have made a list of “tasks” that would fulfill the need. I then created a Habit Tracker in my Monthly Section of my Bullet Journal that allows me to record when I perform a “task.” My goal is to perform at least 1 “task” under each topic each day. Under the tracking of the topics I have also included an area to record my over all feeling for the day; 1 being poor to 5 being excellent.
So far, I have had excellent results with the month of December starting crappy or a #1 and having completed 1 “task” under each topic for 2 days improving my over all feeling to a 4 if not a 5.
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