Soul Level Trauma

So it seems I have chosen to start unraveling the trauma knot in my soul. My last posting was on Trauma Responses. This one I am going to try to focus on what is trauma; specifically soul level trauma.

A lot of what is prompting this introspection of sort is my attempting to unravel the internal knot of soul trauma given to me by some individuals who couldn't be bothered to care that I was a living individual or at least that is the impression they have left. My choices seem to be leave it be (which any who know me know that wont happen), or to unravel the knot that is in my way and holding me back (the whole reason I wont leave it be).

The biggest hurdle was giving myself permission to not forgive. I fully know the wages I will pay for not forgiving and in this case they are acceptable. Then I had to come to the realization that forgiving or not forgiving I still have a nasty knot of scare tissue that needs to be resolved. As the 3 crones who were kind enough to lend their knowledge to allow the healing that could happen, happen, anyone knows there is always some residual left. This residual is in my way, therefore I am now left with finding or creating paths around this mess left behind or breaking it down so that it goes away.

Trauma Types

To my best knowledge there are at least 3 levels in which a human being can receive trauma; body, mind, and soul.

The most obvious level of trauma and one in which no one seems to dispute the severity of the trauma is the body. Cuts, scrapes, bruising, and broken bones are all very obvious signs that the body has endured trauma. Human Beings have even developed very sophisticated professions to treat this trauma.

However when you get the mental and soul level trauma becomes much more nuanced. As a field of study and profession psychology is a rather young one, unless you consider the medicine (wo)men of old. However I do wonder if our new pension of living in cities disconnected from the natural rhythm of life has also given rise for the need for psychologists.

Having survived a mental/emotionally abusive husband I thought that was the worst. Yeah, well I was wrong. Spiritual trauma is worse than any mental trauma. I still struggle with envy and jealousy over those who have suffered physical trauma, it is easy to recover from physical trauma in comparison. My recent motorcycle accident has driven that home even more.

Consent 

The most difficult thing about mental and spiritual trauma is that what is traumatic to one person, is not so devastating to another. For example, there is a whole group of people who find sexual gratification in a whole range of things that would cause severe trauma in others. I am referencing the BDSM community and those that find gratification in being demeaned, dehumanized, etc. The biggest item that makes their experiences gratifying and in some cases freeing is consent. The BDSM community for the most part full recognizes that without consent what they enjoy doing is abuse.

I think consent is the real sticker for why mental and spiritual trauma is so nuanced as well as why certain things bother an individual more than other individuals. 

Consent is really just simply agreeing to receive or give something; be that item a tangible or intangible item.

The difficult part is when can consent be implied or even granted. Recent history in the legal system of the U.S.A. has made it so that it is possible for an individual to be too incapacitated via drug use or other means to grant consent. This was known to a degree, but has been giving many a difficult row to hoe in that bars (used to be) a place to "hook up" or find one night sexual gratification. I do believe it has even been recognized that if an individual is out numbered significantly or in a situation that a normal person would have difficulty in resisting the peer pressure of others that consent can not be taken for granted or in some cases given.

Informed Consent

Those in the medical community should be very familiar with what Informed Consent is. In the medical profession this means the doctor or nurse has informed the patient of the treatment options, possible outcomes, and costs. In the BDSM community this means that both individuals talk about what will happen, discuss possible issues that may arise, and consent to it. The BDSM community works under 2 main principals when it comes to consent; Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) or Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK). Typically BDSM partners who are new to each other or to BDSM will play under SSC. However once a certain level of knowledge of each other is obtained the partners will often move over to RACK.

Safe, Sane, and Consensual Briefly

Safe - Physical safety has been attended to by ensuring that all items needed for an emergency are easy to access and that the area is free of possible items/people who could create an accident. 

Sane - Emotional/Mental Safety has been attended to in that the person who will not be in control has been allowed the room needed to express their physical safety or mental safety concerns then those concerns addressed. The person not in control also feels safe enough to express emotional discomfort without fear of reprisals or being disrespected for their expression of. 

Consent - All parties have agreed to the type of interaction, the limits set by the person not in control, and the clues or safe words to be used. Safe Words are words that would be not normally used during the interaction to signal distress or enjoyment; often green, yellow, red are used and have the same meanings as those colors on a traffic light. Most importantly without Safe or Sane Consent cannot be granted.

Risk Aware Consensual Kink

The biggest difference between SSC and RACK is that RACK acknowledges that the person not in control may not be able to use Safe Words during the interaction due to the level of intensity. RACK requires a greater understanding by those in control of the possible responses the person not in control may have and the greater responsibility of the person in control has to ensure that the person not in control does not come to lasting harm.

RACK level interactions are much more intense and the risks for trauma are much higher.

Naming the Trauma

A lot of the unresolved trauma issues stem around the responsible individuals refusal to recognize me as an intelligent individual and instead being more concerned that I was not responding as they felt I should. This violates the basic safety that should have been in place as it was supposed to be an introductory to something more; in the BDSM world they violated both Safe and Sane. Most importantly without Safe or Sane Consent cannot be granted.

I said no to what ended up hurting me; I was told I was a spoiled brat for it.

I expressed my emotional damage because I was essentially raped on the soul level; I was told to shut up because if I hadn't had such a bad disposition then nothing bad would have happened to me.

I asked for what I needed; was told it was too much of an inconvenience and that I was a spoiled brat for asking.