Soul Level Wounds


A while back I had received a massive soul level wound. It was a one-two punch, an adding to an existing wound structure. That it added to the existing structure is probably what made it as horrible as it was. The wound made doing almost everything a debilitating act of machoism.

While I can't speak for everyone who has to deal with this, for me, my soul level wound felt like a gaping hole that caught every breeze that went by. By breeze I mean every emotion. Hug some one; agony. Angry for some reason; amplified. It made the inherited need to be around others an act of desperation and only done when desperately needed.

I healed. I definitely do not recommend my method of healing. The biggest healing actually happened because of the motorcycle accident I was in on February 16, 2018. Ironically February 16 was also my wedding anniversary; divorced October 25. Hilariously October 25 is now my brother's wedding anniversary. Gotta love that wheel of life.

It was the above wheel that gave me the starting point to look for a journal entry. The journal entry that effectively asks for something to be done about the burden I was bearing with two conditions; 1. I didn't see it coming, 2. If it meant loss of function, that I would have the help I needed to adapt.

Folks, you know they always say be careful of what you wish for … They are not kidding. However, dealing with a sketchy knee is significantly easier than dealing the soul wound I had prior. There are even treatment options for the knee, where as the soul wound I did not know of any treatment options. I will take the pain and limits my knee gives me any day of the week over the soul wound.

The rest of the healing has come from re-connecting with certain individuals that I had thrown out  or had allowed to drift out of my life. I don't know why I choose those individuals as ones I needed to reconnect with, there are plenty out there that I have tossed or allowed to migrate out or in some cases thrown me out of their lives. But either way I am glad I have been able to reconnect, even if it is just to allow for an ending … But that is it isn't it. These people were probably out of my life because of something related to the soul wound; my garbage.

There are still echoes of the soul wound that need tending as well as behavior patterns to investigate. Then there is my absolute refusal to work in a cast barrier style circle with others; I refuse to play with people in this manner. I can foresee a time when this changes, but I doubt I will ever be a part of a circle with people I don't know and trust working in it.

As always comments are welcome and appreciated. If you have a topic you want me to write about drop it below in the comments section.

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