Identity

"A person's identity is defined as the totality of one's self-construal, in which how one construes oneself in the present expresses the continuity between how one construes oneself as one was in the past and how one construes oneself as one aspires to be in the future"; this allows for definitions of aspects of identity, such as: "One's ethnic identity is defined as that part of the totality of one's self-construal made up of those dimensions that express the continuity between one's construal of past ancestry and one's future aspirations in relation to ethnicity" - Unknown

Up at really too early in the morning to be awake on my day off waiting for the over the counter pain meds to kick in so I can go back to sleep (60 hours delivering packages in a week does this for some odd reason) and I come across a video about a drummer loosing his hearing. Got me to thinking about Identity.

Most experts view identity as your overarching sense and view of yourself. A stable sense of identity means being able to see yourself as the same person in the past, present, and future. ... Identity can be thought of as your self-definition; it's the glue that holds together all of these diverse aspects of yourself. Identity is quite broad and includes many aspects of the self. Your sense of self or identity is probably made up of your beliefs, attitudes, abilities, history, ways of behaving, personality, temperament, knowledge, opinions, and roles. Identity can be thought of as your self-definition; it’s the glue that holds together all of these diverse aspects of yourself. (1)

Few people choose their identities. Instead, they simply internalize the values of their parents or the dominant cultures (e.g., a pursuit of materialism, power, and appearance). Imagine how different you would become growing up in a different culture or different times. Society shapes the self and guide behavior. Children come to define themselves in terms of how they think their parents see them. If their parents see them as worthless or incapable, they will come to define themselves as worthless or useless-and vice versa.

Values are central to your personal Identity; they go to the very core of us. Our principles are perhaps the most important thing as, whether or not we live out our dream or achieve our mission, they are most likely to remain intact. Values are a foundation and a plumb line as well as a moral compass. (3)

“We are not in control, principles control. We control our actions, but the consequences that flow from these actions are controlled by Principles.” Stephen R. Covey

Our decisions and actions flow from our principles and in this way our values help to define us; they are part of our identity. Our exploration and discovery of our principles is therefore a discovery of self. As one anonymous observer noted: “Every one of us has in him a continent of undiscovered character. Blessed is he who acts the Columbus to his own soul.” (3)

One way we can discover something more about our identity is by what we think when we look at other people.  As we walk down a street, enter a room or sit staring out of a café window we are constantly assessing those around us.  We compare looks, wealth, car, house, job, children, happiness, clothes, phone.  In conversation this process continues through things like accent, vocabulary, demeanour, politics, religion, aspirations and education. (3)

Of course much of what we first think is not real; we try to make a value judgement in a fleeting moment, judging the book by its cover.  Not surprisingly this process actually tells us more about us than about the other person, because how we classify the others speaks volumes about how we perceive ourselves.  If we are putting someone else in a certain box or on a certain level what does that say about our position?  I for one did not think I had a pride problem until I thought about this! (3)

Even this internal classification can be somewhat misleading.  We all have roles that we play and we often wear masks that represent an aspirational self, the person we want to show to the world, rather than the real us.  But even if this ideal self is not the true self we can learn more of ourselves. This is because even if we are aspiring to be something or someone else it once again reveals what we value. (3)

If we value something very highly we give it worth above other things or even ultimate worth. We build our lives around it. This prioritizing, giving position, reverence or regard was called ‘worschipe’ in Middle English.  Today its name is ‘worship’.  In other words, even if you do not consider yourself religious we all give something religious value. (3)

“Because here’s something else that’s weird but true: in the day-to day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship — be it JC or Allah, bet it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles — is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive.” David Foster Wallace

References

1. https://www.verywellmind.com/borderline-personality-disorder-identity-issues-425488 

2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-choice/201901/5-key-ideas-about-identity-theory

3. https://therightquestions.co/why-what-we-value-defines-our-personal-identity/